Unlucky for some: Your 2013 Housing Almanac

Published by Max Salsbury for 24dash.com in Housing and also in Communities, Featured

The new year seems as if it's only a few weeks away now. But what will 2013 bring to the world of housing? Here 24dash contributor, Brian Church, takes a lighthearted look at the year ahead.

JANUARY

Former housing minister Grant Shapps releases his autobiography, Doubleglazed (published by Shapps & Shapps). Co-author Michael Green calls the book ‘essential reading’.

FEBRUARY

Westminster council denies plans to relocate poorer tenants to Jupiter after US military reveals new jet can fly six times the speed of sound.

MARCH

Keen to help those worst affected by welfare changes, government budget makes cardboard boxes VAT free.

APRIL

As bedroom tax takes effect with "under-occupancy" penalties, Eric Pickles denies his cookie jar counts as a separate room. Also, universal credit pathfinders launched in hi-tech pioneers Wigan and Oldham.

MAY

New anti-squatting law tested after Nick Clegg refuses to leave cabinet room following local election meltdown for Liberal Democrats.

JUNE

Council blasted for letting luxury developer forego Section 106 duty as judge rules covered parking spaces for Ocado delivery vans do not count.

JULY

Tory old guard claim Sir William Beveridge would be turning in his grave at abuse of current benefits system. Tory maverick Nick Boles says if that’s so, the cemetery could probably be built on.

AUGUST

Height of the silly season (or not?) as Daily Express claims all defined benefit pension schemes to be converted to defined peanuts.

SEPTEMBER

After successful peace talks, L+Q announce plans to reroute Walthamstow dog track through Iain Duncan Smith’s back garden.

OCTOBER

National launch of universal credit for new claimants. Operates on golden rule that those in employment should never get less than workshy MPs. 

NOVEMBER

Labour pledges support for massive affordable housebuilding programme unless they get elected.

DECEMBER

DWP retrospectively fines Mary and Joseph for having an under-occupied side-stable.