Pickles' speech: Soviet invasions, council prayer meetings, "Commies" and TOWIE

Published by Max Salsbury for 24dash.com in Central Government and also in Housing

Eric Pickles delivered an extraordinary speech at the Tory party conference yesterday, in which he evoked "cigar-chomping Commies", the Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia and the reality TV show 'The Only Way is Essex'.

Pickles, the Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government, repeatedly slammed the Labour party in his colourful speech, but still found time to praise his own party. "It was the Conservative Party that helped me get where I am today," he claimed.

The MP admitted to having a picture of Che Guevara up in his Ministerial office. But the minister - who earlier claimed to have been born into a Labour family and to have read Leon Trotsky - wasn't about to admit to a love for leftwing revolutionaries. "It's there to remind me: that without constant vigilance - the cigar-chomping Commies will take over," he hollered. "Well, that isn't going to happen on my watch," he added.

Pickles quickly ran through a menu of key Tory issues and pains: travellers and Dale Farm, the EU and its bothersome flag, low taxes, council prayer meetings, the splendour of Christianity, dangerous religious zealots, the reality TV show 'TOWIE'.

"It's fun TV and we all enjoy it," gushed the MP.

Pickles claimed that it was the Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia that threw him into the arms of the Conservatives. He said: "Gradually I became a Conservative. A Tory that has a burning dislike of oppressive state bureaucracy. A Tory that knows that prosperity and fairness is best delivered through freedom."

In a short burst, Pickles eviscerated the Labour party for putting "foreign migrants" before British soldiers in terms of housing priority.

Pickles finished his speech with a note of triumph and a hint of hope. His talk of Soviets and "Commies" must have left him in the grip of a revolutionary ardour, for he said: "Proud of taking on the vested interests of oppressive bureaucracy. Proud of cutting back waste to pay off Labour's overdraft. Proud of rewarding those who work hard. And proud to be at the front of a revolution.
 
"A very Conservative revolution that will allow Britain to deliver."